tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post1286578388049834445..comments2024-01-14T05:15:40.056-05:00Comments on mainewords: First Impressions - Wild Gingermshatchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06308916014310536449noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-7153765257833764482016-01-07T03:16:24.726-05:002016-01-07T03:16:24.726-05:00I say many thanks to the father of the website adm...<br />I say many thanks to the father of the website admin I read this, because at this website I know a lot of information information that I did not know before his<br /><br /><a href="http://goo.gl/FjftYh" rel="nofollow">Obat Untuk Atasi Kemandulan</a> <br /><a href="http://goo.gl/zrRl2L" rel="nofollow">Krim Jerawat</a> <br /><a href="http://goo.gl/OkPYjW" rel="nofollow">Obat Sakit Tenggorokan</a> <br /><a href="http://goo.gl/Iefhrm" rel="nofollow">Obat pembersih Rahim Kotor</a> <br /><a href="http://goo.gl/YZ7X3u" rel="nofollow">Cara Mengatasi Gigi Berlubang</a> <br /><a href="http://goo.gl/td6vjh" rel="nofollow">Obat Sakit Payudara Bengkak</a> <br /><a href="http://goo.gl/1KATjC" rel="nofollow">Cara Menghilangkan Kejang Perut</a> <br /><a href="http://goo.gl/FcSlI4" rel="nofollow">Obat Herbal Kanker Otak Terbaik</a> <br /><a href="http://goo.gl/hyMxqt" rel="nofollow">Obat Herbal Bronkitis Kronis</a> <br /><a href="http://goo.gl/G43HKX" rel="nofollow">Kopi Yang Sehat Bagi Jantung</a> Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17382737205881876895noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-23521831204043816922015-06-03T18:51:57.137-04:002015-06-03T18:51:57.137-04:00Marcy did a great job with her critique!
For my ...Marcy did a great job with her critique! <br /><br />For my two cents, I think the premise sounds awesome and so do the supporting characters! However, the main character's voice sounds MG to me (especially with the "Kaboom" from the teacher memory). Also, I feel there's too much backstory for a first page. It would be better if the visitation to the volcano were written with more showing and less telling. Show the parents' negligence rather than explain how many times their businesses have failed. Time enough to weave in those details later. Good luck!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07735576044552810103noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-3994426906074243272015-06-02T10:19:35.329-04:002015-06-02T10:19:35.329-04:00I'm definitely intrigued by the house! I agree...I'm definitely intrigued by the house! I agree on the tenses and in fact, I would suggest trying to throw out as many of the "to be" verbs as possible to make it snappier. I'm guessing that Lizzie is anywhere between 13 and 15 years old in age.Tyrean Martinsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15356604721537744361noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-23795463379586106492015-06-02T00:13:28.607-04:002015-06-02T00:13:28.607-04:00I agree about getting to the B+B more quickly, it ...I agree about getting to the B+B more quickly, it does sound intriguing. No picture and "lush vegetation" described makes me picture it being completely overgrown! It could be a great image and afterwards she could list the failed enterprises - then the reader will be like "hmm, what's going to go wrong..."Nick Wilfordhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03841776353790635132noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-53665387054727078942015-06-01T15:47:49.631-04:002015-06-01T15:47:49.631-04:00Snap on the tenses. I suspect a bed and breakfast...Snap on the tenses. I suspect a bed and breakfast could do well there. Lots of people going for a look. Insurance might break them though...<br />Summer? I just checked, It is minus 5,5C here at the moment. When the sun comes up it will be bright, crisp and clear. No shorts though.Elephant's Childhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06650565833097914052noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-63491502472594471802015-06-01T10:38:44.332-04:002015-06-01T10:38:44.332-04:00As always, Marcy did a great job. I agree about th...As always, Marcy did a great job. I agree about the tense being awkward, and I also agree that the bed and breakfast flyer is very intriguing. I'd want to read more for that. Definitely get to that quickly! Best of luck with your book!Janet Johnsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12688012956157161889noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-42626641613713584072015-06-01T07:17:30.369-04:002015-06-01T07:17:30.369-04:00The tense is rather awkward. I like the setup thou...The tense is rather awkward. I like the setup though. Bad place for a bed and breakfast.Alex J. Cavanaughhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09770065693345181702noreply@blogger.com