tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post263724562337302862..comments2024-03-28T05:05:30.116-04:00Comments on mainewords: First Impressions - The Jade Coteriemshatchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06308916014310536449noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-48877278311325428502016-01-11T22:57:47.012-05:002016-01-11T22:57:47.012-05:00Banned complain !! Complaining only causes life an...<br />Banned complain !! Complaining only causes life and mind become more severe. Enjoy the rhythm of the problems faced. No matter ga life, not a problem not learn, so enjoy it :)<br /><br /><a href="http://goo.gl/fNYOK2" rel="nofollow">Gejala Gejala Penyakit Kanker Yang Sering Di Abaikan</a> <br /><a href="http://goo.gl/wBUKMz" rel="nofollow">Obat Alami Untuk Menyembuhkan Luka Diabetes</a> <br /><a href="http://goo.gl/4HdUsJ" rel="nofollow">Obat Untuk Penderita Kanker Rahim</a> <br /><a href="http://goo.gl/4QwzO2" rel="nofollow">Cara Untuk Mencegah Radang Gusi</a> <br /><a href="http://goo.gl/up6CyQ" rel="nofollow">Cegah Diabetes Dengan Buah Blueberry</a> <br /><a href="http://goo.gl/hY2DrJ" rel="nofollow">Jenis Kandungan Yang Terkandung Di Dalam Bawang Merah</a> <br /><a href="http://goo.gl/xHDaXx" rel="nofollow">Nutrisi Agar Bayi Cerdas Sejak Ada Di Dalam Kandungan</a><br /><a href="http://goo.gl/yd2XGt" rel="nofollow">Hal Yang Bisa Menyebabkan Dan Mendatangkan Sembelit </a><br /><a href="http://goo.gl/nkSSwp" rel="nofollow">Obat Herbal Untuk Penyakit Kanker Mulut</a><br /><a href="http://goo.gl/EZ4r1z" rel="nofollow">Haluskan Kulit Wajah Dengan Bahan Alami Ini</a><br />Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17382737205881876895noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-80170977500231272902012-08-02T20:41:20.448-04:002012-08-02T20:41:20.448-04:00thank you everyone for commenting! And I hope you&...thank you everyone for commenting! And I hope you'll come back tomorrow for our second first impression of the month :)mshatchhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06308916014310536449noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-61847073943684462012-08-02T19:02:59.383-04:002012-08-02T19:02:59.383-04:00Again, I agree with Madeleine. It has a good base,...Again, I agree with Madeleine. It has a good base, with some fine tuning and less backstory, it will be terrific.<br /><br />Good luck Summer.Michael Di Gesuhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17047267262428143113noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-87165241487053715772012-08-02T11:43:13.858-04:002012-08-02T11:43:13.858-04:00Your observations seem to be good ones. the basics...Your observations seem to be good ones. the basics are all there it just needs some tweaking.Good luck to Summer Ross.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-19724790817975871612012-08-01T21:17:22.831-04:002012-08-01T21:17:22.831-04:00I agree with your critique--there was a lot of tel...I agree with your critique--there was a lot of telling, though it's a very intriguing opening.Golden Eaglehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08721520451194318436noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-69771015051847673132012-08-01T19:52:50.394-04:002012-08-01T19:52:50.394-04:00Marcy has good insights and comments as always.
I...Marcy has good insights and comments as always.<br /><br />I think starting with her sneaking away is good, but the tension drains away with all the explanation and backstory. <br /><br />I hate to throw a monkey wrench into your scene, but don't tell us the father's scary - <i>show</i> us. Have him wake up, have her tremble halfway out the window with her skirt stuck on a nail, have him discover her and almost catch her, have her barely escape as he falls down the front steps (perhaps drunk?) and curses her.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07735576044552810103noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-1444232461230185532012-08-01T13:30:50.114-04:002012-08-01T13:30:50.114-04:00happy to be of help :)
and I often have trouble w...happy to be of help :)<br /><br />and I often have trouble with this aspect of writing. I tend to think people somehow instinctively know what my characters are thinking and feeling. I have to constantly remind myself to SHOW it.mshatchhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06308916014310536449noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-52443397824737581822012-08-01T12:53:19.108-04:002012-08-01T12:53:19.108-04:00Marcy- Thank you so much for the critique and I ag...Marcy- Thank you so much for the critique and I agree with you about the internal dialogue- that would really help- Thank you.<br /><br />Thanks everyone for your feedback! I really appreciate the time you all took to read my first page.Summer Rosshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08122694893668693244noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-87241889910255641552012-08-01T12:10:03.409-04:002012-08-01T12:10:03.409-04:00Intriguing story line Summer! I'd like to feel...Intriguing story line Summer! I'd like to feel more of Ebony's emotions as well - let us see how torn she is. Good luck!Jemi Fraserhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02214408467456320167noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-35902793146987356622012-08-01T11:06:23.226-04:002012-08-01T11:06:23.226-04:00"Here is a good place for some inner dialogue..."Here is a good place for some inner dialogue." I agree. I would like to know how she feels as well. To leave everything behind, that must be a shock to anyone. If not, why not?<br /> <br />I really liked the story, Summer. It made me want to know why she was escaping and what will happen to her.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12160669603997465454noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-62403283380943145792012-08-01T10:29:48.042-04:002012-08-01T10:29:48.042-04:00I like the first sentence, Summer. It definitely g...I like the first sentence, Summer. It definitely got me thinking. I agree with Marcy about adding in a bit of inner dialog. Don't overdo it; just add a little to give the reader more 'feel' for this character. <br /><br />Great job, Marcy!S.A. Larsenッhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06241633272588383935noreply@blogger.com