tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post2761893020293906184..comments2024-03-28T05:05:30.116-04:00Comments on mainewords: First Impressions - Into the Blackmshatchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06308916014310536449noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-22974779858507491792014-02-10T14:08:47.285-05:002014-02-10T14:08:47.285-05:00Nice one Paul and of course Marcy!Nice one Paul and of course Marcy!The Angry Lurkerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01227314379603418332noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-72260933406659101762014-02-08T18:30:32.877-05:002014-02-08T18:30:32.877-05:00Very fun to have critiques here. Lots of talent. O...Very fun to have critiques here. Lots of talent. Oh the joys of balancing everything... :) Morganhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15747144518868320969noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-48428609373896230392014-02-07T19:49:13.332-05:002014-02-07T19:49:13.332-05:00I really like the voice a lot and I'm super cu...I really like the voice a lot and I'm super curious on what the meeting is about, but agree with the others that there is too much description right off the bat which does slow it down. Just the name of the Director's office makes it very intriguing so I like Marcy's idea of having some internal thoughts about him wondering about that at the beginning. :) Kimberlyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17323788304469008867noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-64672912134999100432014-02-07T10:57:10.566-05:002014-02-07T10:57:10.566-05:00I enjoyed this start, but I must agree with the ot...I enjoyed this start, but I must agree with the others about the use of so much character description. What they look like doesn't matter nearly as much as how they behave, or how Jack reacts to seeing them there. Let readers draw their own conclusions about the characters, based on what they do... or what they're thinking. Physical descriptions may allow us to "see" them, but you want to make us get a deeper perception beyond what they look like.Susan Flett Swiderskihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09425315552148200073noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-43717776437824316932014-02-07T10:34:02.574-05:002014-02-07T10:34:02.574-05:00I already commented on Diane's blog, but I agr...I already commented on Diane's blog, but I agree that there's too much character background and not enough personality on the first page. Stevenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06837639807533435390noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-74666615814940123232014-02-07T08:36:03.939-05:002014-02-07T08:36:03.939-05:00I agree about the slow pacing. I'd make the fi...I agree about the slow pacing. I'd make the first sentence more gripping with some descriptions maybe DEZMONDhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14127166104359407763noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-87823535816625756262014-02-07T08:05:25.879-05:002014-02-07T08:05:25.879-05:00Ditto. . . perhaps the opening sentence could be s...Ditto. . . perhaps the opening sentence could be something like this: As Jack cracked the door to the Director of Advanced Projects' office, a muffled voice said, "Enter."<br />Kittie Howardhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07756250649095903317noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-25722732796081630772014-02-07T06:44:53.705-05:002014-02-07T06:44:53.705-05:00I agree with your assessment. Chuck the three para...I agree with your assessment. Chuck the three paragraphs of description and start with introductions. Introduce that stuff slowly. And we need more of what Jack is thinking and feeling so we can connect with him.<br />(Sorry, typo in first comment.)Alex J. Cavanaughhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09770065693345181702noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-17490420831179552412014-02-07T06:44:21.088-05:002014-02-07T06:44:21.088-05:00This comment has been removed by the author.Alex J. Cavanaughhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09770065693345181702noreply@blogger.com