tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post3135653898327381562..comments2024-03-28T05:05:30.116-04:00Comments on mainewords: First Impressions - Hotel Roommshatchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06308916014310536449noreply@blogger.comBlogger14125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-80786218866704327902020-06-25T06:38:02.059-04:002020-06-25T06:38:02.059-04:00Superbly written article, if only all bloggers off...Superbly written article, if only all bloggers offered the same content as you, the internet would be a far better place. Wondering where to go in 2020? <a href="https://www.thingstodopost.org" title="Things to do post" rel="nofollow">Things to do post</a> has ranked as the best include a remote, idyllic island and the design capital.Susanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08035164273592355585noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-25168722479864835972019-12-04T15:16:26.477-05:002019-12-04T15:16:26.477-05:00Spesial untuk Pemula! 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I agree, s...Is this a new service you’re offering? I agree, she needs a name.<br /><br />Blogging mostly at www.thepulpitandthepen.com<br />sagehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17499891950639742366noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-38990480504824374372018-07-15T10:11:01.824-04:002018-07-15T10:11:01.824-04:00It intrigued me, for sure. ~nods~ Be well, my dear...It intrigued me, for sure. ~nods~ Be well, my dear.Darla M Sandshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18212760625717298992noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-65525748435123560802018-07-11T23:26:36.701-04:002018-07-11T23:26:36.701-04:00First off, that is beautiful bloom in your header!...First off, that is beautiful bloom in your header!<br /><br />I totally understand where you are coming from in your critique. I was wondering also, but I assumed we weren't told the name for a reason. Maybe the lady herself doesn't know her name. Maybe she has no idea how and when she got there. It could have been because she had a total blackout, was drugged, or maybe amnesia. I would like to read more before deciding anything.<br /><br />Maybe the first page and/or chapter are the answers to questions that haven't been revealed yet. Like when a lady (Uma Thurman in the movie version) woke up from a coma in the hospital in Kill Bill. Everything that happened in that first chapter was answers. I could be completely wrong, but that is how my brain works. Pat Tilletthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17699973774273291205noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-34124582700026009912018-07-11T17:48:42.480-04:002018-07-11T17:48:42.480-04:00I'm thinking this scene could be much more ten...I'm thinking this scene could be much more tense if she tightened it up. Yes, use a name,but also, give it some urgency. To give an example of what I mean, I edited the first few lines... Name woke with a splitting headache and a muddled mind. She pushed her head deeper into the soft pillow. Something was wrong. City lights bled through floor-to-ceiling window. The sleek lines of the furniture around her formed a disturbing picture. She was in a hotel room. An expensive one at that, if the leather armchairs positioned by the coffee table and plush curtains framing the window were anything to go by.<br /><br />Remember that every word you use should add to your story...keep it sharp and crisp, not blurred with excessive detail.Lizahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16170701034715108039noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-88098900537201906782018-07-11T09:35:41.776-04:002018-07-11T09:35:41.776-04:00Thank you everyone for your comments!Thank you everyone for your comments!mshatchhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06308916014310536449noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-66491171085256965522018-07-09T22:55:14.511-04:002018-07-09T22:55:14.511-04:00As someone whose current WIP starts with a person ...As someone whose current WIP starts with a person waking up... I've heard that starting a story with a character waking up is a terrible cliche. Is there some way to start this later or earlier?Liz A.https://www.blogger.com/profile/16531953467834426316noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-34468450697455023382018-07-09T15:48:26.570-04:002018-07-09T15:48:26.570-04:00My greedy reading self is intrigued. Her attitude...My greedy reading self is intrigued. Her attitude speaks volumes about a life which is alien to me. However, I agree about the name. And the tense issues.Elephant's Childhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06650565833097914052noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-51824236435498696452018-07-09T11:18:23.098-04:002018-07-09T11:18:23.098-04:00Agreed on the name :)
I think the rest depends on ...Agreed on the name :)<br />I think the rest depends on the assumptions you want us to make about your character. As is, I assume she's done this often enough not to be freaking out over it, she's a hard drinker which makes me wonder why, sex with strangers doesn't bother her much. I don't have a lot of empathy for her yet, so I'd like to see that built up somehow (fear, panic, regret,...)<br />Hope that helps a little bit! good luck with it!Jemi Fraserhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02214408467456320167noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-13470259555719021462018-07-09T07:25:16.233-04:002018-07-09T07:25:16.233-04:00I agree she needs a name. And a little more urgenc...I agree she needs a name. And a little more urgency of wanting to get out of that room. With that, it would be a really tense scene.Alex J. Cavanaughhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09770065693345181702noreply@blogger.com