tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post3417943078373035011..comments2024-03-28T05:05:30.116-04:00Comments on mainewords: First Impressions - The Dwellersmshatchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06308916014310536449noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-72047674704332594712014-05-10T11:11:09.227-04:002014-05-10T11:11:09.227-04:00This is a good project! Excellent critiques. I did...This is a good project! Excellent critiques. I didn't see anyone mention this yet, so ... "A smile crossed her face, Merrow was only ten, but that was old enough to know that warmth kept them alive in winters like this." There needs to be a period after "face," not a comma. Good word-painting of the cave, though.Stephaniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02187854108656107958noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-78221632726467812292014-05-09T14:46:23.745-04:002014-05-09T14:46:23.745-04:00Good comments all the way around. I already commen...Good comments all the way around. I already commented on Dianne's blog, so not much more to add. I liked those last two sentences, but that smartie L.D. is right... Merrow wouldn't know how her appearance projected in terms of fear or pride, so maybe it'd be better without the phrase "which she was glad of."<br /><br />Again, Mary, good job. Good luck with it.Susan Flett Swiderskihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09425315552148200073noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-35664012363040904932014-05-08T17:52:37.935-04:002014-05-08T17:52:37.935-04:00the beginning is very nice the beginning is very nice DEZMONDhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14127166104359407763noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-5342412756120849422014-05-08T12:47:16.468-04:002014-05-08T12:47:16.468-04:00Good critique. One thought - since we're in Me...Good critique. One thought - since we're in Merrow's POV, how could she know her fear didn't show or that her pride gave her away? Those would be reactions from outside herself.LD Mastersonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01202135756299574972noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-63082356929758290552014-05-08T02:00:51.653-04:002014-05-08T02:00:51.653-04:00Seems like an interesting start, but I agree that ...Seems like an interesting start, but I agree that the first paragraph seems more like a writing warmup. Some of the descriptions need tightening up, but it definitely has solid promise! Stevenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06837639807533435390noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-35046038026894545912014-05-07T13:28:41.904-04:002014-05-07T13:28:41.904-04:00Great critique! I really enjoyed the sense of fore...Great critique! I really enjoyed the sense of foreboding with the part about being their only for a dying elder's wishes. Nice writing. Tyrean Martinsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15356604721537744361noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-41657151022433169452014-05-07T11:26:37.689-04:002014-05-07T11:26:37.689-04:00Nice critique. I loved the descriptive passages. I...Nice critique. I loved the descriptive passages. I really saw the cave in my mind.Michael Offutt, Phantom Readerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10557969104886174930noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-37440509126104372732014-05-07T07:21:39.919-04:002014-05-07T07:21:39.919-04:00Agreed!Agreed!mshatchhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06308916014310536449noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-17544151028695120172014-05-07T06:58:29.255-04:002014-05-07T06:58:29.255-04:00Nothing to fear - yeah, that would make more sense...Nothing to fear - yeah, that would make more sense.<br />I liked the first paragraph, but it doesn't fit at all with the rest of it. Snip and save though.Alex J. Cavanaughhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09770065693345181702noreply@blogger.com