tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post4987479372115383960..comments2024-03-28T05:05:30.116-04:00Comments on mainewords: First Impressions - Butterfliesmshatchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06308916014310536449noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-85606974175429489942014-06-03T13:13:28.171-04:002014-06-03T13:13:28.171-04:00love your new headbanner, Marcy love your new headbanner, Marcy DEZMONDhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14127166104359407763noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-2817870678221885242014-06-02T18:55:39.395-04:002014-06-02T18:55:39.395-04:00Great feedback. I love reading over these. I didn&...Great feedback. I love reading over these. I didn't like the "Not a morning person doesn't even begin to describe me" wording...so I agree it could be strengthened by removing that sentence.Stephanie Farishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10461865229341760836noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-72685257871788538182014-06-02T16:39:26.557-04:002014-06-02T16:39:26.557-04:00I agree with Marcy's comments. And Old Kitty h...I agree with Marcy's comments. And Old Kitty has a good point to bring the boyfriend in much earlier. An 18-yr old girl would think of him as soon as she awoke. And maybe be upset that Jazz interrupted those thoughts. I also think that besides the character not being too well-defined here, her voice sounds more adult than teen. Those two points go hand-in-hand. So use both of those to work toward the goal of making her unique. Good luck!Carol Kilgorehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03745686632918324803noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-76439281325093420772014-06-02T15:29:08.489-04:002014-06-02T15:29:08.489-04:00I perked up when I got to the boyfriend part! I...I perked up when I got to the boyfriend part! I'd have said, more of this dilemma to begin with maybe because for me going to this trip with your bf for the first time sort of nullifies the wardrobe side of things. Just my opinion! Thanks for sharing and all the best, take care<br />xOld Kittyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13185547869183611159noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-16644566305149120442014-06-02T11:45:30.139-04:002014-06-02T11:45:30.139-04:00I concur with everyone.I concur with everyone.shellyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09596621767297173021noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-62778010273634836162014-06-02T09:51:55.721-04:002014-06-02T09:51:55.721-04:00The more information the better but well written.The more information the better but well written.The Angry Lurkerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01227314379603418332noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-78880720188436716792014-06-02T08:56:06.615-04:002014-06-02T08:56:06.615-04:00I agree it is well-written :)I agree it is well-written :)mshatchhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06308916014310536449noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-71725127770907188082014-06-02T08:05:24.659-04:002014-06-02T08:05:24.659-04:00Thanks to Carey for sharing her work here! Always ...Thanks to Carey for sharing her work here! Always a brave thing to do. <br /><br />I love the first line. It contains two totally opposing voices, which really drew me in. I agree with Marcy's assessment. My only other comment is that I think you need to intro your MC a little more clearly. There's not much of an identity given for your MC. Otherwise, the voice is great!S.A. Larsenッhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06241633272588383935noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-14971681484764792452014-06-02T08:01:57.503-04:002014-06-02T08:01:57.503-04:00Ha! I just read and commented on this page at Dian...Ha! I just read and commented on this page at Dianne Salerni's blog, so I won't repeat everything I said. But I still think this is a very well-written opening and I would keep reading!Julie Daohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13814052162359300933noreply@blogger.com