tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post7184557942784758610..comments2024-03-28T05:05:30.116-04:00Comments on mainewords: First Impressions - Dreamie's Boxmshatchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06308916014310536449noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-49078138779326287952013-10-08T17:28:42.319-04:002013-10-08T17:28:42.319-04:00I like the critique offered here and at In High Sp...I like the critique offered here and at In High Spirits. This sentence seems particularly out of place for me, given the MCs mostly passive approach to her problems with Martin: "Her marital war with Martin had begun in earnest that day." What if you subbed in "small acts of rebellion?" Perhaps something like this: Her small acts of rebellion began in earnest that day. That suggests that she does more than oppose him with a birdfeeder. The birdfeeder was merely the inciting incident.Robinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14932408372240147454noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-47385704461135470762013-10-03T18:02:48.621-04:002013-10-03T18:02:48.621-04:00I'm just stopping in to say hi. I'm back f...I'm just stopping in to say hi. I'm back from blog break and trying to get around to everyone. Love that header pic!Carol Kilgorehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03745686632918324803noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-80669731770247476802013-10-03T17:33:42.509-04:002013-10-03T17:33:42.509-04:00I've already put my opinion on Dianne's bl...I've already put my opinion on Dianne's blog, but I think Marcy really did a great job of analyzing Dreamie's character. Those are all very important points to consider - and how best to "show" them in the story.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07735576044552810103noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-38247496249308692072013-10-03T11:05:12.310-04:002013-10-03T11:05:12.310-04:00A good start for me.A good start for me.The Angry Lurkerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01227314379603418332noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-11399460139851580372013-10-02T16:56:58.989-04:002013-10-02T16:56:58.989-04:00I like Dreamie's voice and her passive charact...I like Dreamie's voice and her passive character was clear. But I was confused about Martin. I didn't catch he was her husband until the end of the sample, at first I thought he was her father. I would have liked some grounding before the dialogue opening line.Patchihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09097638657085263738noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-13631009822042662152013-10-02T08:02:46.801-04:002013-10-02T08:02:46.801-04:00Claudette has such a genuine and warm smile! Claudette has such a genuine and warm smile! DEZMONDhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14127166104359407763noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-49463598186583216712013-10-02T06:43:55.865-04:002013-10-02T06:43:55.865-04:00Agree with you about the awkward sentences. This f...Agree with you about the awkward sentences. This flows a little slow for me, but I like the battle of wills and the way she approached it.Alex J. Cavanaughhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09770065693345181702noreply@blogger.com