tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post8176341013841172165..comments2024-01-14T05:15:40.056-05:00Comments on mainewords: Living RunAwaymshatchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06308916014310536449noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-13742262889010105392014-01-13T15:45:01.972-05:002014-01-13T15:45:01.972-05:00Despite the technical flaws, (overuse of -ing verb...Despite the technical flaws, (overuse of -ing verbs, repetitive sentence structures, missing commas, incorrect capitalization -- the "She" in the dialog tag -- and a misspelling, "halfway," to name a few), I liked the voice, the combination of dialog, action, description and backstory, and I think the mystery of the b-day gift is a good one. Very intriguing. Good luck!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07735576044552810103noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-14774262452000889992014-01-12T18:24:41.970-05:002014-01-12T18:24:41.970-05:00I also commented on Dianne's blog, but I agree...I also commented on Dianne's blog, but I agree that something, even a little snippet more about the narrator would give the reader greater understanding and reason to care about what's going on -- not that receiving a human eye in the mail is something to blow off! Stevenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06837639807533435390noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-411060559092314722014-01-11T12:24:15.952-05:002014-01-11T12:24:15.952-05:00This definitely brings up a lot of story questions...This definitely brings up a lot of story questions which is great and has me wondering. As soon as the weirdness with "see" in the note was mentioned, I suspected the father had been kidnapped or something!!! Kimberlyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17323788304469008867noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-53965430011316953622014-01-10T16:40:28.621-05:002014-01-10T16:40:28.621-05:00I can't believe I didn't realize it either...I can't believe I didn't realize it either! Maybe the pink stem threw me...but really, pink? Not to mention the liquid...!mshatchhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06308916014310536449noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-53668414805557116292014-01-10T16:15:54.171-05:002014-01-10T16:15:54.171-05:00Great start to the story. I left my comments on Di...Great start to the story. I left my comments on Dianne's blog.Natalie Aguirrehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03756087804171246660noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-89586750497993892472014-01-10T13:21:15.541-05:002014-01-10T13:21:15.541-05:00I already commented on Dianne's blog, but it c...I already commented on Dianne's blog, but it cracked me up that you didn't realize what kind of "iris" was in that envelope, Marcy.<br /><br />I think this is a super start to a story. It certainly caught my attention. (Or should I say... "eye"?)Susan Flett Swiderskihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09425315552148200073noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-25622375701510566602014-01-10T11:12:45.368-05:002014-01-10T11:12:45.368-05:00And thanks to all of you for coming to comment!And thanks to all of you for coming to comment!Tammy Theriaulthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13128574900510175415noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-78653597963751331902014-01-10T11:10:00.200-05:002014-01-10T11:10:00.200-05:00Thanks for having me!!!Thanks for having me!!!Tammy Theriaulthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13128574900510175415noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-70239719537531504442014-01-10T09:50:56.023-05:002014-01-10T09:50:56.023-05:00Interesting story premise, and a great page one ho...Interesting story premise, and a great page one hook.<br />Carol Kilgorehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03745686632918324803noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-67602323753842984092014-01-10T08:46:21.438-05:002014-01-10T08:46:21.438-05:00omg - I didn't realize it was a human iris!!!omg - I didn't realize it was a human iris!!!mshatchhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06308916014310536449noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-58275883964917060752014-01-10T08:34:14.653-05:002014-01-10T08:34:14.653-05:00I'd probably start the chapter with some descr...I'd probably start the chapter with some description of the girl coming in, not with the dialogue from the start. And there were too many bad words in one sentence for my taste at the very beginning - crap, stupid.... no need for that.<br />The rest is too creepy for a YA novel, but you all already know I do not approve of morbid things in books for teens and kids. DEZMONDhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14127166104359407763noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-72857904865664116442014-01-10T05:58:46.460-05:002014-01-10T05:58:46.460-05:00She got his eye in the mail - whoa! What a way to ...She got his eye in the mail - whoa! What a way to plunge right into the story. Excellent start, Tammy!Alex J. Cavanaughhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09770065693345181702noreply@blogger.com