tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post1634048115474205786..comments2024-03-28T05:05:30.116-04:00Comments on mainewords: First Impressions - Summer's almost overmshatchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06308916014310536449noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-10228600367937326082015-02-08T12:38:07.660-05:002015-02-08T12:38:07.660-05:00me is a bit hungry now.. me is a bit hungry now.. DEZMONDhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14127166104359407763noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-18832489127964737702015-02-07T08:37:35.741-05:002015-02-07T08:37:35.741-05:00I posted on Dianne's page but I'm swinging...I posted on Dianne's page but I'm swinging by to tell Liz again how much I enjoyed her excerpt! :)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07735576044552810103noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-82230375104843135132015-02-06T17:29:27.748-05:002015-02-06T17:29:27.748-05:00I love the voice here, and I'm already wonderi...I love the voice here, and I'm already wondering what happened, but I think it could be tightened up. Give your readers credit for figuring some things out on their own...and keep more of a mystery so they turn the pages. Remember, every single word should be necessary to the story. If you can get along without it, then do. I hope you don't mind, but I took a stab at it. Regardless, let me assure you that this IS a story I would want to keep reading. <br /><br />Sophie pasted on a smile as she leaned out the window of The Sandy Tortilla and handed an order of Carne Asada quesadillas to a woman who was obviously half of a newlywed couple. <br />She’d been working the stand long enough to recognize the glow of the newly hitched, even minus the enormous diamonds. The way they looked at each other with moons in their eyes; the men standing no less than two inches from their wives; the women in their honeymoon swim suits. [What is a honeymoon swim suit?] She’d had seen so many newlyweds, she could about overdose on their sweetness. Sophia returned to the orders hanging above her grill and began tossing the chicken onto the flattop, slathering the cilantro spread on the tortilla, and crisping up the chips. <br /> “Chicken verde,” she called out the window. A teenage girl stepped forward. At least this one wasn’t in her mid-twenties with a huge rock weighing down her finger.<br />Sophie glanced down at her left hand, where a white line glowed on her fourth finger. <br />“We’ll need more chips,” Jenna said over her shoulder as she put up yet another order. <br />“On it.” <br />Jenna had one year of high school left, and she needed money for college. Sophie was more than happy to give her the work—she was tan and blonde, which attracted customers. Even better, Jenna was never late.<br /><br />And also, this made me hungry! :)<br /><br />Lizahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16170701034715108039noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-41290057705827683652015-02-06T14:20:46.753-05:002015-02-06T14:20:46.753-05:00Yes. On all levels.Yes. On all levels.Elephant's Childhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06650565833097914052noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-79976833886182920462015-02-06T09:35:04.301-05:002015-02-06T09:35:04.301-05:00Also agree!Also agree!Kittie Howardhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07756250649095903317noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-5241455266041266362015-02-06T08:00:20.093-05:002015-02-06T08:00:20.093-05:00Exactly!Exactly!mshatchhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06308916014310536449noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-11196433767100147392015-02-06T07:18:56.297-05:002015-02-06T07:18:56.297-05:00You're right, that third paragraph is great. E...You're right, that third paragraph is great. Either move it higher or make the ones before it zing with the same personality.Alex J. Cavanaughhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09770065693345181702noreply@blogger.com