tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post2256794863755232949..comments2024-03-28T05:05:30.116-04:00Comments on mainewords: first impressions - MEDITATIONSmshatchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06308916014310536449noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-42494945822872988722013-08-22T12:16:50.030-04:002013-08-22T12:16:50.030-04:00Sorry I'm so late replying! I totally didn'...Sorry I'm so late replying! I totally didn't realize it was posted already. I blame the first week of school. <br /><br />Thank you so much for your comments. I will definitely be tweaking the first page, but it's great to know that it's doing it's job! :) Larissahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08874147599272424056noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-71060051494700420472013-08-12T02:20:32.413-04:002013-08-12T02:20:32.413-04:00I'd definitely turn the page. There has certai...I'd definitely turn the page. There has certainly been a ticking clock established, as well as rising stakes. The word "gross" distracted me. Maybe a different choice? Or more description. Gross can be shown.<br /><br />Shannon at <a href="http://thewarriormuse.com/" rel="nofollow">The Warrior Muse</a>Shannon Lawrencehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00934641808195675935noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-23417369492271837832013-08-10T14:09:47.451-04:002013-08-10T14:09:47.451-04:00Oh, I totally agree. Must turn the page! Excellent...Oh, I totally agree. Must turn the page! Excellent start. The only thing I'd take out and replace is "gross." Maybe something more specific. Is it the dirt that's gross? Spider webs? Mold? Slime or something else slick on the floor? That's a great opportunity to give us a feel of the room she's in.<br /><br />Great opening page, and Marcy, great notes!Julie Musilhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02150454913885915017noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-32175754493159240522013-08-09T17:43:16.488-04:002013-08-09T17:43:16.488-04:00Definitely a sense of urgency! I'd have to lea...Definitely a sense of urgency! I'd have to learn more too! Just a nitpick tho--the line "tears of frustration prick my eyes" .... not sure what it is, whether redundant or wordy, but it didn't settle right with me as I was reading. <br />Otherwise, nice work, Larissa! :)PK HREZOhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11650153097981426833noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-23966969798908825042013-08-08T21:59:52.206-04:002013-08-08T21:59:52.206-04:00Oh yes! I'd definitely turn the page. A lot of...Oh yes! I'd definitely turn the page. A lot of mystery and tension. Great emotion.Christine Rainshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08263694662585963900noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-15752725350309182902013-08-08T17:33:50.733-04:002013-08-08T17:33:50.733-04:00I truly love this. I already commented over at Dia...I truly love this. I already commented over at Dianne's place, but I have one additional comment. The sentence saying the room is bare and gross and the floor covered with dust and dirt... Instead of saying that, why not show it? Maybe the dust would make her sneeze. Maybe when she reaches out her hand, she touches a spider web or huge dust ball. Maybe a roach skitters across her arm. <br /><br />Again, I think this is a super beginning. Great job, Larissa!Susan Flett Swiderskihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09425315552148200073noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-10746092673144366872013-08-08T10:07:01.223-04:002013-08-08T10:07:01.223-04:00I think this is a really cool set up. I'm int...I think this is a really cool set up. I'm intrigued. I did not understand the meaning of this one line, "I try to pierce the gloom with my eyes" - this could totally be me though.Libbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14323538213636795216noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-10758453870043616612013-08-07T23:47:09.040-04:002013-08-07T23:47:09.040-04:00I'd turn the page too! I'd be sitting on ...I'd turn the page too! I'd be sitting on the edge of my seat, holding my breath and waiting to see what happens! Awesome start. Kimberlyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17323788304469008867noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-57758710181984226352013-08-07T12:57:12.367-04:002013-08-07T12:57:12.367-04:00Damn....that's a good start!Damn....that's a good start! The Angry Lurkerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01227314379603418332noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-40791647044329913252013-08-07T12:30:45.939-04:002013-08-07T12:30:45.939-04:00Lots of intensity in this one.Lots of intensity in this one.Nicolehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10680066584646789184noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-88876622332083807192013-08-07T11:46:10.118-04:002013-08-07T11:46:10.118-04:00Loved it and was left wanting to read more. Loved it and was left wanting to read more. Julie Flandershttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05003737491313673214noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-48365978138802010312013-08-07T10:34:51.968-04:002013-08-07T10:34:51.968-04:00I liked it too. Well done, Larissa! :)I liked it too. Well done, Larissa! :)Mina Burrowshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14483363743530076604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-79531525618341530952013-08-07T09:49:23.361-04:002013-08-07T09:49:23.361-04:00Definitely an interesting set up. Definitely an interesting set up. Luanne G. Smithhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15762881276976395955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-70743079064483079392013-08-07T07:55:14.065-04:002013-08-07T07:55:14.065-04:00I loved it and have nothing to add.
Question: Ca...I loved it and have nothing to add. <br /><br />Question: Can you send any first part of a a chapter 1?<br /><br />Hugs and chocolate,<br />Shellyshellyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09596621767297173021noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-62279401215934858842013-08-07T07:42:08.291-04:002013-08-07T07:42:08.291-04:00At first I thought the pounding in her head was du...At first I thought the pounding in her head was due to a hangover, but being kidnapped is much worse!Alex J. Cavanaughhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09770065693345181702noreply@blogger.com