tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post4984825699648993152..comments2024-03-28T05:05:30.116-04:00Comments on mainewords: First Impressions - Descentmshatchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06308916014310536449noreply@blogger.comBlogger18125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-30276198293620858902014-03-06T19:58:51.150-05:002014-03-06T19:58:51.150-05:00interesting things going on here, but I need a lit...interesting things going on here, but I need a little more information to be totally drawn in. As it is I'm confused, and when that happens my mind starts to wander.farawayeyeshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17578277501054242356noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-40655400551565680432014-03-05T20:32:04.793-05:002014-03-05T20:32:04.793-05:00This comment has been removed by the author.BriNichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08146063610216714874noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-9894309696605521172014-03-05T20:31:31.020-05:002014-03-05T20:31:31.020-05:00Kallie....this is great! I'm so glad you were ...Kallie....this is great! I'm so glad you were courageous and put the beginning of your novel "out there". BriNichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08146063610216714874noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-39750528646797145102014-03-03T22:49:12.189-05:002014-03-03T22:49:12.189-05:00Thank you for your thoughts, Joanne! I promise, it...Thank you for your thoughts, Joanne! I promise, it's not all a dream, and I'm the type of reader that hates an ending where it all ends up being a dream! LOL! Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01807474716191692065noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-25912071080741358862014-03-03T22:47:12.496-05:002014-03-03T22:47:12.496-05:00Thank you, Steven. I actually have a lot of backst...Thank you, Steven. I actually have a lot of backstory I've written, and can't wait to incorporate some of it to ground the beginning a little better. I really appreciate your thoughts!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01807474716191692065noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-52352018820853560892014-03-03T22:45:43.377-05:002014-03-03T22:45:43.377-05:00Thanks for commenting! I look forward to working t...Thanks for commenting! I look forward to working that first sentence out so it resonates better with the reader!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01807474716191692065noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-25420094352915900822014-03-03T22:43:32.802-05:002014-03-03T22:43:32.802-05:00Thank you!Thank you!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01807474716191692065noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-16357181525051201332014-03-03T22:43:19.627-05:002014-03-03T22:43:19.627-05:00Thank you so much! I really appreciate your feedba...Thank you so much! I really appreciate your feedback on the wording... And the encouragement!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01807474716191692065noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-5735626075904558242014-03-03T22:42:09.612-05:002014-03-03T22:42:09.612-05:00Thanks, Alex! I'll take a look at that, and tr...Thanks, Alex! I'll take a look at that, and try to make it more clear.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01807474716191692065noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-45865597028230340982014-03-03T22:41:02.123-05:002014-03-03T22:41:02.123-05:00Thank you, Shelly!Thank you, Shelly!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01807474716191692065noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-18806427161638467142014-03-03T22:40:39.487-05:002014-03-03T22:40:39.487-05:00First off, THANK YOU! Marcy, I really love that yo...First off, THANK YOU! Marcy, I really love that you took the time to ask questions, and I look forward to answering them as I go through revisions. I appreciate your time, and the opportunity to improve!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01807474716191692065noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-19318498706790675142014-03-03T17:19:03.921-05:002014-03-03T17:19:03.921-05:00While it is confusing, what you have written has m...While it is confusing, what you have written has my attention.shellyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09596621767297173021noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-11376338554806643992014-03-03T14:49:54.043-05:002014-03-03T14:49:54.043-05:00I agree that starting with the slumber party would...I agree that starting with the slumber party would help clarify things for us. And I had the same thought about the earthquakes growing more frequent - could mean over the last few months. Also, I hope this entire opening sequence is not a dream. Joanne R. Fritzhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08076959910493197255noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-10402071283372353142014-03-03T11:57:33.104-05:002014-03-03T11:57:33.104-05:00I have to admit, I have a few unfinished novels th...I have to admit, I have a few unfinished novels that start out in the middle of an action sequence with no setup. It's a natural thing to do, but it completely loses the reader. Just a few short sentences of setup would go a long way. Stevenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06837639807533435390noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-87066842815800972812014-03-03T09:55:21.540-05:002014-03-03T09:55:21.540-05:00Is it the 'sound' of the pounding feet vie...Is it the 'sound' of the pounding feet vies with the pounding of her heart? I see what you're trying to say but the first sentence threw me off. And I agree, great author shot!Huntresshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08155372788872245758noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-75815810793009466502014-03-03T09:46:03.994-05:002014-03-03T09:46:03.994-05:00now, that's a nice author picturenow, that's a nice author picture DEZMONDhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14127166104359407763noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-76820131510452768112014-03-03T08:20:14.463-05:002014-03-03T08:20:14.463-05:00First - it's great to meet you, Kallie!
I kn...First - it's great to meet you, Kallie! <br /><br />I know what you're getting at with the first line, but I think it needs rewording. The emphasis by using 'pounding' twice actually takes away from the line. I actually kind of like the next part to begin the piece - "He was there..." If you tweaked that a little, I think it could make a great impact on the reader. There's mystery, character, and even setting there.<br /><br />Best of luck!S.A. Larsenッhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06241633272588383935noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-17817353925409759722014-03-03T06:37:00.214-05:002014-03-03T06:37:00.214-05:00I was a little confused at the beginning. And Mate...I was a little confused at the beginning. And Mateo steadied her one moment, and then was several strides behind her in the next instant. Although that does happen in a dream.Alex J. Cavanaughhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09770065693345181702noreply@blogger.com