tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post5493843129820466972..comments2024-03-28T05:05:30.116-04:00Comments on mainewords: First Impressions - SWEPTmshatchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06308916014310536449noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-51569000177627261952016-01-06T23:28:14.776-05:002016-01-06T23:28:14.776-05:00Agree with watching those run-on sentences. This i...Agree with watching those run-on sentences. This is a compelling opening, telling us this boy is facing a lot in his life. I will say, it would be a disappointment to find out he was being overly dramatic. It's rough to be a short boy (my brother was a "shrimp" until Sophomore year), but the level of terror will depend upon how he is actually treated. I wonder if he's misunderstanding the teacher, or if she really has an issue with him. There were a lot of questions raised, actually. I'd want to know why his home life was so bad. Shannon Lawrencehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00934641808195675935noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-80904392416737715322016-01-06T22:15:26.548-05:002016-01-06T22:15:26.548-05:00This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17382737205881876895noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-44010255942763621442016-01-06T16:30:14.349-05:002016-01-06T16:30:14.349-05:00I commented on Dianne's blog, but wanted to co...I commented on Dianne's blog, but wanted to come over here and see what you wrote. I didn't even realize there was a book involved till you mentioned it. Guess I didn't make it past the description of the backpack. My bad... Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07735576044552810103noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-76848088016034943342016-01-06T14:44:03.736-05:002016-01-06T14:44:03.736-05:00It has a good hook. There are definitely some ques...It has a good hook. There are definitely some questions. With a little smoothing of the prose (and formatting), I could see this being a winner. I would read on.Crystal Collierhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03912469552483168148noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-88100043687001842442016-01-06T04:03:20.984-05:002016-01-06T04:03:20.984-05:00Now, isn't he a dashing fellow!Now, isn't he a dashing fellow! DEZMONDhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14127166104359407763noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-43809159401822405602016-01-05T21:46:40.207-05:002016-01-05T21:46:40.207-05:00This story sets a good hook by leaving readers wit...This story sets a good hook by leaving readers with questions about things like his home being a "virtual prison" and Bobby's great interest in that particular book. I'd keep reading, and I think young readers would, too.Susan Flett Swiderskihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09425315552148200073noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-91022667813803291442016-01-05T18:47:37.188-05:002016-01-05T18:47:37.188-05:00I can vouch for the fact that being short in the s...I can vouch for the fact that being short in the seventh grade can be tough for a boy. I was a foot shorter than I am now. The world was a far more intimidating place.The Armchair Squidhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10739833215220853127noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-5780435521006563042016-01-04T19:16:02.689-05:002016-01-04T19:16:02.689-05:00A good start! Best of luck with it!
HeatherA good start! Best of luck with it!<br /><br />HeatherHeather M. Gardnerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07232419331422866247noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-82338375494944286162016-01-04T15:41:30.285-05:002016-01-04T15:41:30.285-05:00The question of what is so important about the boo...The question of what is so important about the book is a great hook.<br /><br />Perhaps its just me; but seems like every MG and YA book I pick up starts with the end of a class, a bad grade on the test, a mean teacher, and a walk through halls full of kids that don't like the mc because of some physical or emotional default. Of course, that could be just what the criteria expects for this genre.<br /><br />Well written set up, decent pacing.dolorahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08715849844092553699noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-47116790434207545092016-01-04T13:24:55.232-05:002016-01-04T13:24:55.232-05:00I would agree that some of the sentences are too l...I would agree that some of the sentences are too long, and about the formatting question but more please. Which says it all.Elephant's Childhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06650565833097914052noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-55828855197241896762016-01-04T12:46:17.115-05:002016-01-04T12:46:17.115-05:00Good writing to me!Good writing to me!The Angry Lurkerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01227314379603418332noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-68516783883623369252016-01-04T12:27:37.487-05:002016-01-04T12:27:37.487-05:00I was intrigued, but wanted to know more about the...I was intrigued, but wanted to know more about the MC age and what the story conflict is about. I already like the MC since he likes to read.Natalie Aguirrehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03756087804171246660noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-91666645544050446662016-01-04T09:47:01.710-05:002016-01-04T09:47:01.710-05:00I got a bit lost in the first paragraph due the se...I got a bit lost in the first paragraph due the sentence structures. I had to reread it a few times. I think there needs to be more on why he/she is terrified though or at least hints to help me sympathize with the MC.H. R. Sinclairhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06715450637785127208noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-59593588440447799432016-01-04T09:45:59.684-05:002016-01-04T09:45:59.684-05:00I was also going to say that the sentences tend to...I was also going to say that the sentences tend to be too long. Especially the first sentence.Misha Gerrickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06364173848456424521noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-5053623174792950532016-01-04T06:26:09.543-05:002016-01-04T06:26:09.543-05:00It did have a lot of personality to it. What age i...It did have a lot of personality to it. What age is it aimed at though? I thought many of the sentences were too long.Alex J. Cavanaughhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09770065693345181702noreply@blogger.com