tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post6213593240998252891..comments2024-03-28T05:05:30.116-04:00Comments on mainewords: How to write a story - Descriptionmshatchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06308916014310536449noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-34923668370323121662012-05-10T21:34:42.796-04:002012-05-10T21:34:42.796-04:00I had a hard time getting an image of this going i...I had a hard time getting an image of this going in my head. I even stopped after a couple of sentences and tried to go slower and it still didn't work. :(Kimberlyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17323788304469008867noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-9830906792605983122012-05-10T20:02:53.792-04:002012-05-10T20:02:53.792-04:00thank you all for coming by. It was interesting to...thank you all for coming by. It was interesting to read what everyone thought about this first paragraph, Can't wait to share the author with you all tomorrow :)mshatchhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06308916014310536449noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-40662431521916678722012-05-10T20:01:51.331-04:002012-05-10T20:01:51.331-04:00you may very well have.you may very well have.mshatchhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06308916014310536449noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-39316177757620975652012-05-10T20:00:54.860-04:002012-05-10T20:00:54.860-04:00funny you should mention the words sharp, pierce, ...funny you should mention the words sharp, pierce, and cut. This is actually a duplicate of my post over at Unicorn Bell (my other blog which I share) and one of the commenters picked up on exactly the same thing.mshatchhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06308916014310536449noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-88322786929076710292012-05-10T19:02:12.351-04:002012-05-10T19:02:12.351-04:00I like it. It's sort of idyllic. Though then...I like it. It's sort of idyllic. Though then there are sharper words, like piercing the sky and cutting the land that maybe indicate more. For some reason it feels familiar, so I'm wondering if I've read the author.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.thewarriormuse.com/" rel="nofollow">Shannon at The Warrior Muse</a>Shannon Lawrencehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00934641808195675935noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-30284333856378125912012-05-10T10:30:26.964-04:002012-05-10T10:30:26.964-04:00I'm pretty ambivalent towards it. It made me ...I'm pretty ambivalent towards it. It made me think the town was more important than the character.Libbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14323538213636795216noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-66441951642245668182012-05-10T01:11:09.814-04:002012-05-10T01:11:09.814-04:00I like the image of the town "gleaming in the...I like the image of the town "gleaming in the morning light", but find the description "something freshly made and just set down" to be awkward. Cars "trundled"? Unusual. I like the visuals of "flashing up winks of sun" (although I'd leave out the "up") and the sun "racing" along the stream. The contrast of all the words evoking images of light with the harsh words ... sharp, pierce, and cut ... is striking, telling me that all is not as idyllic as it seems.Susan Flett Swiderskihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09425315552148200073noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-49418700023884607502012-05-09T21:19:05.754-04:002012-05-09T21:19:05.754-04:00upbeat & bright! maybe take out a "sun&qu...upbeat & bright! maybe take out a "sun" but definitely a cheery scene!Tara Tylerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07587802105993889515noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-81604270062778361982012-05-09T19:20:09.909-04:002012-05-09T19:20:09.909-04:00good call ;)good call ;)mshatchhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06308916014310536449noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-6481709380953196912012-05-09T14:39:26.939-04:002012-05-09T14:39:26.939-04:00First sentence is a bit long, but it's descrip...First sentence is a bit long, but it's descriptive and interesting enough without being too much.Alex J. Cavanaughhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09770065693345181702noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-48325246797976433432012-05-09T13:43:00.308-04:002012-05-09T13:43:00.308-04:00Personally, I like to see my descriptions through ...Personally, I like to see my descriptions through the protag's eyes. It's a bit wordy. I do like how the cars send "flashing up winks of sun" and how the plane cuts in the same diagonal course as the town. There's quite a bit about the sun in the paragraph.<br /><br />Although the description seems idyllic, I have a feeling that something is going to go wrong. It may just be me, though.Cherie Reichhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16663147386014122939noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-16450540350211890262012-05-09T13:22:11.511-04:002012-05-09T13:22:11.511-04:00Ooo...I hate not knowing who I'm critiquing, b...Ooo...I hate not knowing who I'm critiquing, but I didn't get a good visual. I got lost at "something freshly made and just set down."E. Arroyohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06634213563563094173noreply@blogger.com