tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post6796829447759542229..comments2024-01-14T05:15:40.056-05:00Comments on mainewords: First impressions - Killer Stilettosmshatchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06308916014310536449noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-86587351542207781942014-02-10T10:50:48.740-05:002014-02-10T10:50:48.740-05:00I love Shelly and her famous fur peeps! This start...I love Shelly and her famous fur peeps! This start has me intrigued - I love anything with ghosts. Julie Flandershttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05003737491313673214noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-84480516629102558082014-02-03T18:46:04.777-05:002014-02-03T18:46:04.777-05:00Ooh. This has got me asking all kinds of questions...Ooh. This has got me asking all kinds of questions--the good kinds you want readers asking. One suggestion: sequence wording...ax it. After Gram poofed... I'd rather read, "Gram poofed out of the room" or a statement that communicates the emptiness and relief/stress of suddenly being alone. <br /><br />Also, rather than a bunch of ghosts showing up, they file in one by one, right? I'd say chop the "bunch" and just show us this constant stream of arriving spirits--like an uncorked bottle spilling into the room. <br /><br />Rather than "before I could think to say..." (again a sequence word--before,) why not give us something like souls crowded in and overlapping each other, even blurring together, or an urge the protagonist has to pull in his/her elbows in tighter to fit them in the only remaining free space in the room.Crystal Collierhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03912469552483168148noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-44782015514143618302014-02-03T13:02:42.325-05:002014-02-03T13:02:42.325-05:00Marcy: thank you. You answered the question I had ...Marcy: thank you. You answered the question I had for myself about the beginning. <br /><br />Hugs and chocolate!shellyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09596621767297173021noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-61940193475561298662014-02-03T08:59:54.228-05:002014-02-03T08:59:54.228-05:00It sounds like this one picks up right where the f...It sounds like this one picks up right where the first leaves off—but I haven't read that one yet!<br /><br />But I agree that Marcy has some great suggestions.M.J. Fifieldhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15626475963328519693noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-22709602709566881342014-02-03T08:23:38.291-05:002014-02-03T08:23:38.291-05:00it's nice that it begins with a very visual sc...it's nice that it begins with a very visual scene! Visual is the way to go<br /><br />Who's the goofy pup in the new headbanner, Marcy? DEZMONDhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14127166104359407763noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-15567822696760664562014-02-03T06:55:04.730-05:002014-02-03T06:55:04.730-05:00Marcy has some great suggestions. One other thing:...Marcy has some great suggestions. One other thing: there are places that could be tightened just by eliminating some wordage like "Before I could think (a thought) or say anything..." <br /><br />Best of luck with this, Shelly! S.A. Larsenッhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06241633272588383935noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-46253262875782895932014-02-03T06:48:42.628-05:002014-02-03T06:48:42.628-05:00Shelly! We adore her and her fur-peeps.
I imagine ...Shelly! We adore her and her fur-peeps.<br />I imagine there would be a lot of ghosts at a hospital. Was the battle with the demon there in the hospital or before?<br />Alex J. Cavanaughhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09770065693345181702noreply@blogger.com