tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post8430162953204706910..comments2024-03-28T05:05:30.116-04:00Comments on mainewords: first impressions - The Love Codemshatchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06308916014310536449noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-92077773287729541362011-08-05T12:38:19.993-04:002011-08-05T12:38:19.993-04:00Thank you for your feedback! First impressions mus...Thank you for your feedback! First impressions must be grasped within the very first few paragraphs. From your critique, I see I need to draw on the action that picks up on page two and incorporate it into these opening paragraphs.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03933301194042602307noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-24979132086893735362011-07-01T13:45:33.283-04:002011-07-01T13:45:33.283-04:00that's a great suggestion, Sheri! thanks for c...that's a great suggestion, Sheri! thanks for commenting :)mshatchhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06308916014310536449noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8733289016000331233.post-64510309751499399242011-07-01T08:10:17.898-04:002011-07-01T08:10:17.898-04:00Yeah, I liked the opening sentence, too. Very thou...Yeah, I liked the opening sentence, too. Very thought provoking. I think Marcy's time expectation is a good one, acclimating us a bit deeper into the current reality by giving us a tid bit of the past. The last few sentences really got my attention. They seemed more personal. I guess the only thing I'd add to Marcy's critique is maybe adding a more personal element somewhere within the first 5 to 6 lines. Maybe a gesture, like feeling the breeze or combing fingers through his/her hair. It might make the reader connect a bit easier. <br /><br />Nice job!!S.A. Larsenッhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06241633272588383935noreply@blogger.com