From Jaime Loren, a paranormal romance. My comments are in purple and Dianne's can be found here.
My life is a web of endless days, with periods of silent darkness my only indication that time is still moving. Others sleep. Those unlike me, who age and fall ill – they sleep. The darkness gives them time to recover from the fatigue and hardships the daylight presses upon them. For eight hours of their day they are allowed to forget about their troubles, and enter new worlds where anything can happen. Worlds where they can see and hold loved ones who are no longer with them. Worlds where they can go back in time and change their future. Does this mean that when they dream they actually can change the past and thus the future? Or does it mean the narrator doesn't dream? Interesting! The only thing I might like added is something about our narrator to help us connect with him/her.
If I could sleep, I’d dream it was 1729 again, and I’d save April Anne Fletcher. Hmm, I wonder who she is and why she’s so important to the narrator?
And I wouldn’t have failed her another thirteen times since.
Every morning I stood in the hallway of Harvard’s Quincy House, waiting to discover if April was still alive. Today – the first day of our summer vacation – was no different. But this morning there was no light spilling out from under her door, nor had she answered when I’d knocked. Considering she could sleep through a severe hailstorm, these observations alone didn’t necessarily strike fear into my heart. No, it was the fact she also had a terrible habit of meeting her maker that sent me racing down four flights of stairs and into the courtyard. I checked my cell phone again. No text messages. No calls. My chest tightened. I admit I’m a little confused by this paragraph. The narrator is waiting to discover if April is still alive, which suggests that her death is imminent. But then the narrator mentions how soundly she sleeps as well as the fact that she has a habit of meeting her maker (don't we all, eventually?). I wonder if we might need more of an explanation of how things work in this world before this paragraph? And I say this because I'm interested and wouldn't mind an entertaining bit of back story. Of course, the next page may very well do that...
I’d only just scrolled to her number when something slammed into my back.
Very interesting beginning. Makes me wonder if we'll be visiting 1729, or any of the other times after - which would be very cool since I love historical. I'll just mention once more I hope we'll be getting to know the narrator soon in order to connect with him (?), make us really care what happens next.