Pages

Monday, October 4, 2021

I'm sorry to say that 2021 sucks way more than 2020

 There is no doubt that 2020 was a difficult year for many people. Probably most people. It was not that difficult for me. I stayed home for a while and collected unemployment, then went back to my same job at the pawn/antique shop. I didn't suffer because I'm not a social butterfly and fortunately live with three other people so was seldom alone. Not that I mind being alone. In fact, I like it. Which is why I didn't really suffer. For sure I missed stuff, and yes I hated wearing a mask (still hate wearing it), but I got vaccinated as did the people I work with along with most of my family. I feel fairly safe.

Then came the last quarter of 2020, in which one of my moms began to have health issues, and the election turned into...I don't even know what to call what happened. I am beyond dismayed at the turn our country has taken. I cannot believe how we've been divided by so many things, and I can barely stomach the glee some people exhibit at the pain of others. I may not go to church any more but it isn't Christian. Not one bit.

I will not discuss the events of January 6th except to say that it was a disgrace to our nation.

I will end with telling you why this year sucks so bad. My mom with the health issue took a bad turn in June, was life-flighted to Boston for emergency surgery and somehow made it through only to have a massive stroke at the end of August. It is only now I can tell you about it, mainly to explain my absence. I suppose it's a blessing she didn't live long after. She wouldn't have wanted to be dependent. But...it really sucks not having her. I imagine some of you know how I feel, and some of you are lucky enough to still have your mom, or moms as the case may be.

I miss her every day.

This is the poem I wrote.


The Order of the Night

 stroke

brain bleed

vigil

This is the order of the night.

but we have questions

who is going to make the lemon squares?

who is going to send the Hallmark cards on birthdays?

who is going to send Mother’s Day cards to their daughters and Valentine’s Day cards to everyone?

who is going to explain the Advent Candles?

(One for Hope, One for Peace, one for Joy, one for Love, and the last for Christ)

where is science when we need it?

where is magic? Miracles?

because we want our mother back.

we want more of her fudge brownies and lasagna

we want more visits, another girls’ night out, one more Christmas

because who’s going to sustain us with her righteous scorn?

who will we call when’re sick and need to know we’re not dying yet?

who’s going to love us no matter what?

And who is going to give you that look that says you already know the answer?




20 comments:

  1. I'm sorry for your loss.

    Love,
    Janie

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm so sorry to read about your mom's untimely passing. How painful that must be for you, her partner and your whole family. You've written a beautiful and heartfelt poem in tribute to her -- thank you for sharing it with us. Take care and I wish you hearts-ease in time.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Debra. My dad died a while back so he wasn't left alone. Just us kids :(

      Delete
  3. Heartfelt hugs are flowing across the skies to you.
    My mother had a massive stroke and lived (after a fashion) for nearly a year.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you. Yes, she would not have wanted to live only to be a burden.

      Delete
  4. I am sorry beyond words. I also lost a parent this year and it's one of the worst things ever.
    I don't recognize this country anymore. It would not shock me if we had another revolution or civil war.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm sorry for your loss, Alex, and it is truly the worst.

      Delete
  5. So very sorry for your loss. It's terrible when we lose those we love, especially in a sudden death. It's a blessing my husband died too because he would have had brain damage, but it doesn't make the pain of losing him any easier. I'm here for you if you ever need to talk.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much Natalie. Admittedly, she'd been having health issues, but it still came as a surprise and we are never ready to lose anyone even if we're prepared.

      Delete
  6. Sorry to hear about your mom, Marcy!

    ReplyDelete
  7. I'm so sorry for your loss!

    ReplyDelete
  8. I am so sorry for your loss.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Oh, Marcy, I'm so sorry. The hole in your life is huge and then to pile on all the other crud going on. There is nothing I can say, really, other than get up in the morning and breathe. Keep looking for the little things...the flowers that bud, the first red leaf, a fall sunset, and know joy still exists, no matter how changed.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I'm sorry for your loss, Marcy. Thank you for sharing the poem.

    ReplyDelete

If you're interested in my blog I'm interested in your comments.