Monday, November 7, 2011

first impressions - SEADUCED

 Out third and final submission of the month comes from Jerri, whose novel is set in the 1950s - 1970s in both Cape Cod and Miami Beach. My comments are in purple and you can go here to find Dianne's. 



'Come on and rock...around...the clock tonight',  urged Bill Haley and his Comets, once the DJ finished extolling the song's virtues as one of the hottest summer sounds of the mid-fifties.  It was evening in Miami, but the mercury still registered above 80.  The burgundy leather seats in the Packard were slick with perspiration and although there was a slight breeze, it was balmy.  (a lot of 'was' in here.) As they drove away from the ocean the humidity increased but no matter how unbearable the heat or enticing the melody on this night…one thing was certain…Cliff and Dahlia were taking Liz into the Everglades to end her miserable life! Absolutely love this. love.
     Tonight, her involvement in their otherwise ordinary lives would end. Cliff had formulated the plan and Dutch, a nickname Cliff had called his wife since the day they met, was in full agreement. He had never meant for the situation to become this complicated but now...with letters coming to their house on a weekly basis, her showing up at the door unannounced, and threats she made about making their secret public...they had to make it stop!
      Cliff drove with the car windows rolled all the way down hoping for any relief from the sweltering night. Always the sharp dresser, he was sorry he’d chosen to wear his favorite khaki slacks instead of shorts. His feet were sticky and swollen in saddle-brown leather loafers sans socks.  The matching belt produced an uncomfortable tightness around his waist. Or was that simply his anxiety peaking?  Liz, (no comma after her name) was squeezed between them in the center of the sedan’s front seat.  Her slim black skirt hiked up her thighs as she curled to find room for her heels.  Her light turquoise blouse was buttoned loosely and fell open at the top edge showing her ample chest.  She was clever to reveal just enough to appear welcoming. The clatter of her bangle bracelets annoyed Dutch to no end. 
     
How appropriate, Dutch thought. That's where the harlot would be most comfortable …between them, in the middle, destroying her life and their marriage!  

She sat on the right of...

But omg what a place to leave me! Not even a complete sentence! I really love how this starts with music, which is a fabulous way to create atmosphere, in this case, the 50s. And then that opening salvo, "Cliff and Dahlia were taking Liz into the Everglades to end her miserable life!" I get the idea that Liz has no clue she's about to be murdered, which raises the stakes for everyone. Can Cliff and Dutch (btw, I kinda like the name Dahlia, just sayin') kill Liz? Will that make things better? Solve their problems? Probably not. Or will Liz somehow escape her fate and if so then what? The author has created a number of roads to choose from, all of which would make me read on.

8 comments:

  1. I agree. This is definitely something I'd continue reading. (already left comments on Dianne's blog, but couldn't stand to leave you without comments, now could I?)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oooh, I agree. So many cool roads where this can lead. Excellent job!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Definitely enticing for me to want to know more. Nice job!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Very intriguing! I agree, I'd read on.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I just wanted to tell you what a great experience it was to offer my first page to First Impressions. I have learned, grown and am more excited than ever! I can't wait until you can all read the published version of SEADUCED in the very near future. Thanks again.

    ReplyDelete

If you're interested in my blog I'm interested in your comments.