Monday, July 30, 2012

magic 8


Tara Tyler tagged me for this fun little meme which comes with a few 'rules.'

1. Link back to the originator

2.  Share an excerpt from your current WIP, perhaps something you're struggling with, are stuck on, or just can't "get right."

3.  Ask a question about your excerpt.  It can be something easy such as "What do you think?" or something more in-depth, such as "Can you suggest a better way to word such-and-such," or "How can I make the emotions in this scene more realistic?" My current WIP is currently in revisions so I'm not sure if I have anything I need help with - yet! But, here's the first 200 words and if anyone has any comments/suggestions feel free!


     This is what I remember:
     I remember falling.  
     And I remember reaching out for something to grab hold of, anything, anything at all. 
     But there was nothing, nothing but blue sky and air and me flailing as the air rushed by and the ground came at me like a high-speed train running late. 
     Now all I see is a big sky full of stars and the moon not quite full and the cliff above me, a massive perpendicular shadow rising. It’s dark and the air is cold and sharp as glass.
     I’m in the desert below, splayed out on hard rock, and for a long while I don’t move at all. I don’t dare to.
     But finally I sit up, place my hand against the rock I’m on – for balance - but it’s so cold it stings and I yank my hand away. Instantly pain vibrates throughout my body, stabbing through my head with each breath, each heartbeat. I ache everywhere.
     I reach up carefully to feel where it hurts and my fingers come away wet. And I know it’s blood. I swallow and look up to the place I fell from, a black outline against the starry sky, impossibly far away.
     I should be dead.
   

4.  Tag 8 people:
DL
Lexa
Liz
Alicia
Sharon
Charity
Huntress
L. 


ps WriteClub starts today - check it out!

14 comments:

  1. thanks, marcy! i want to read more of this! just a couple of suggestions.

    dont need "this is what i remember"
    i remember falling is an awesome first line!

    "but finally" -> when i find the strength to sit up, I...

    great opening!

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  2. Oh I remember reading this in an earlier post!!!!! I loved it then and I love it now!! Yay! Take care
    x

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  3. I remember it as well. Like Tara's suggestion.

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  4. I REALLY like this. And I like Tara's suggestion but then I usually try to cut all unnecessary words out when I revise. I'm a skinny writer.ha

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    1. thank you Marsh - and I'm definitely taking Tara's suggestions!

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  5. What a tease you are! Just this little morsel and that's it? Grrr.

    Alliterations don't bother me much but there are quite a few in your 'morsel'.

    I had to read the transition from day as she/he fell to night when she/he work up a couple of times.

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    1. oh don't worry, you'll be getting the whole thing soon enough :)

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  6. HI! Thanks for the tag! :) I'll be responding as soon as my UB stint is over! This is a pretty cool tagging...I like it.

    As far as any suggestions go for this piece....

    Other then what Tara has said I'm coming up blank. I really like it as you have it. (Just watch those "And"'s )Ok...off to bed.

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  7. The excerpt is gripping. I can feel myself falling while reading the first few lines. Very convincing. :)

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  8. Sorry I'm late thanking you for the tag. It's very nice you thought of me.
    I really liked your excerpt with its passionate voice and mysterious descriptions. Great job!

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