First Impressions - Gerald and the Amulet of Zonrach

Our final first impression of the month comes from Carl Hackman. You can find him here, or @CarlHackman, and if you'd like to read the query and entire first chapter, head over to Carl's blog. To see what Dianne Salerni thought about this first page, skip on over to In High Spirits, and please do add your comments because critiquing helps all of us :)



Here is the first page of GERALD AND THE AMULET OF ZONRACH, an Upper MG humorous fantasy.

A flash of blinding blue light filled the room, followed by a billowing cloud of dark, acrid smoke.

“Oops...” Love this beginning, lol.

Now this is not the sound you want to hear from a wizard, especially a short one, and Gerald was only five feet tall, meaning he wasn’t very good yet.  He had dreams of exceeding six feet but only the best wizards in the land ever reached those dizzying heights. This might be a good spot to explain why only good wizards get tall. Not too much of an explanation, but maybe a one or two liner.

A rumble under his feet, steadily increased in strength until the floor beneath him rolled like a ship in a storm.  Trying to stay upright, he staggered to the window at the front of his weather-beaten cottage.  The small hill supposed to be growing outside - to improve the view - failed to materialize.  But the cotton ball clouds normally gently drifting on the warm summer breeze were fairly whizzing by.  The sight of villagers clinging to structures for dear life deepened his frown of consternation.  His flint grey eyes nearly popped out of his head when the village herbalist flew past his window and, as he followed her progress across the green, he spotted Lord Moleheart (omg, I LOVE this name!) hanging onto a tree like a flag in a gale.

“Kack!” said Gerald.

“Gerald!  What have you done?” shouted Colin, dodging flying crockery as he made his way across the room.

“Hmm?” replied Gerald. The point of his especially tall and illegally obtained wizard’s hat twitched, as his bushy eyebrows bumped against the brim in a tattoo akin to a drum roll. This bit confused me a little. Is this a description of Gerald? I think I thought he was a kid for some reason.

Colin, who had only been posted to Molehaven as Gerald’s assistant two weeks ago, very rarely shouted.  If he could get away with it he even whispered his spells.  So, shouting indicated Gerald had been especially naughty and confirmation came when he shrank one inch before Colin’s eyes.

At this rate Gerald would not be a wizard much longer.  Four feet eight was the statuary minimum for all wizards.  Anything less and Gerald knew he would be back working in the fields, or shoveling horse poop until he reached the minimum height again. 

“Double Kack!”

“Have you been buying words again to strengthen your spells?” said Colin.

***

This is a fun first page and kid or no, I'd be turning to find out what happens next! I do hope some of my MG readers will chime in on this one as I don't read a whole lot of this genre. I'd read this though :)

And thank-you Carl for submitting!