Wednesday, June 13, 2012

what not to do

when you're newly divorced and eager to date your neighbor...

1. If you're trying to impress, I would advise against the sweatpants and the stained sleeveless tee that doesn't quite hide the beer belly.

2. Generally speaking, ranting about the ex-wife and how your lawyer is going to make sure she gets nothing will not endear you to anyone.

3. When she says she doesn't date, it means she isn't interested in dating you; walk away.

4. When she says she's a vegetarian, do NOT bring her a plate that has barbequed drumsticks on it. Chickens are meat.

5. When delivering said plate, it might be best not to reek of liquor. Just a thought.


What a shame I didn't have this printed up the other night; it would've come in handy...

19 comments:

  1. O_O Er ... good luck? Make sure your windows are locked and your door is deadbolted? Dobermans make great pets!

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  2. LOL. They say fences make good neighbors...a really tall fence with barbed wire at the top and a heavy iron gate with a padlock the size of a St Bernard. :P

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  3. Chickens are meat ... lolololol.

    Back when I was veghead so many people though bacon wasn't really meat. "What?", they'd say. "It's just bacon. It's not really meat."

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  4. Oh come on! He's a total Catch! In his MIIIIIINNNDDD! Yikes....

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  5. Ooooooh boy!
    Alicia is right. What a catch!

    Got pepper spray?

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  6. Sounds like my kind of guy. At least the ones I knew from my sordid past. Ha.

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  7. LOL good tips all. Thank you for posting them.

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  8. You've got yourself a catch there ;)

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  9. Oh, sad. Yes, those are all turn offs for me as well.

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  10. Personal experience I take it? Funny about the chicken.

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  11. Oh my!
    Poor you.
    And poor him although he is never going to get that!

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  12. Oh dear. That is uh, terrible.

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    Replies
    1. It was unpleasant. More so because I was trying to be civil, seeing as how he's my neighbor. One does not want to alienate one's neighbors. But most of the time, one doesn't want to date them either.

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  13. Dude! Thanks for bringing shame to our gender!! :)

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    Replies
    1. oh, I expect there are a few guys who could share a story or two about an over eager drunken sow they inadvertently attracted.

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