The Somewhat Manly Scrapbook Of Lumberstan's Big Woods Adventure

Our final submission this month comes from Alison DeCamp. You can find her on twitter as  @aliyooper. This is the first page of her MG Historical and she likes to describe it as Laura Ingalls Wilder meets Diary of a Wimpy Kid. My comments will be in purple and italics at the end. You can find out what Dianne Salerni thought about this first page over at her blog. 

CHAPTER ONE

The envelope sits on the kitchen counter. It’s as hard to ignore as my empty stomach at three o’clock in the afternoon. And it reminds me.  

It’s three o’clock in the afternoon. 

And I’m hungry. 

I stuff a hunk of bread in my mouth and examine the envelope closely this time, now I know it’s tied to so much hullabaloo, and remember the first time I saw it. 

To tell the God’s honest truth (which, of course, is the only kind of truth I ever tell), the first time I saw the envelope, I didn’t think much of it. Heck, it was just an envelope; it didn’t look like it would turn my life all topsy turvy. I picked it up, saw the sharp slit across the top and the empty space inside, and set it back on the table to continue on with my very important day. That was the day I spent cutting out pictures of trick banks to glue in my Scrapbook. I remember because Mama asked me what I was doing, and I told her “cutting out pictures of trick banks,” and she said, “Hmmm. Let me take a look, Stan.” The next thing I knew, she had snuggled up to me like butter on warm toast. I'm not sure why but this image creeps me out a little - but it's probably just me. I think if the narrator seemed younger it wouldn't.

I told her about all the money we would save with a tricky kind of bank, one no robber could ever break into. I am hoping to get one for my twelfth birthday, even though it costs a whole dollar, which is kind of expensive.

“It doesn’t cost anything to look and very little to wish,” Mama said as she snipped the picture out of the Montgomery Ward catalog. “Also, we have lots of time for hoping--your birthday is almost a whole year away.” 

“Practically around the corner,” I replied, and Mama smiled. 

That’s why I remember, because my sweet Mama has not been smiling as of late. Hmm, this sounds ominous.

The second time I saw the envelope it was crumpled on the table. (I'm curious, when did this happen? Not long after the first time he saw the envelope?) When I flattened it out, some of the words looked like they were melting off the paper. It was still empty, and I was starting to wonder why. (Is he starting to wonder why or is he just plain old wondering why. Usually the only time you want to use start to is when the action will get interrupted. Usually.) In fact, some might say the entire scene appeared suspicious: an empty envelope, wrinkled up like a used hanky. Mama attacks messes like her very soul depends on it. If cleanliness is next to Godliness, she could be God’s Siamese twin.

 

“We don’t have much,” she says, “but we take care of what we have.”

She has the bad habit of picking up stray garbage before it’s even labeled as such. If she picks up something once, it’s a warning and twice it’s the trash. Which is why my valuable finds from magazines and catalogs are immediately pasted in my Scrapbook. And why I’m sometimes found digging things out of the garbage. And also why the crumpled up envelope was so out of place on our dining room table.

I am not the type of man (at 11, does he consider himself a man even though his mama still snuggles up to him? Just asking.) who jumps to conclusions, so although the situation seemed as strange as a cat in a wedding dress, (Love that expression) I most definitely did not overreact when I spied it for the second time.

I am not known to overreact. Also, I’m pretty sure no one even heard me scream. lol

The third time I saw it, however, was cause for genuine panic. It was twelve days ago, and the envelope was firmly clenched in the claws of a homely, old woman. Holy Cow! Is this the same envelope? 

 Well, all I can say (besides the fact that blogger is pissing me right the eff off with its wacky formatting) is that I am definitely curious about this envelope and why it keeps appearing and what was inside. There were a few spots that rang a little false but for the most part, I like the narrator's voice, which sounds like a boy might have back then. One thing that might help nail his voice a little more is by thinking about not only who he is, but who he's trying to be. I didn't hear any mention of a dad so I wonder if he's trying to be the man of the house but maybe doesn't quite feel that he measures up. In which case his comment about what type of man he is makes perfect sense. Or, is the dad just not mentioned and the boy is just a boy living happily except for this very odd envelope intruding into his ordered world. Either way I want to know what happens next. 

What about you guys, what did you think of this first page? Care to offer any comments or suggestions?