First Impressions - Soulless

Our second First Impression of the month comes from Crystal Collier, author of Moonless, who blogs about her love of cheese and other interesting things here. This is the first page of SOULLESS, sequel to Moonless, a YA Paranormal/Historical.

1

Predators and Prey

Alexia’s eyes snapped open, heart thundering.

Well, she wasn’t dead. Yet.

Caught somewhere between annoyed and relieved, she settled on grateful—that she’d recovered enough to dream again, even if her nightmares always came true. She could still feel phantom fingers pressed at the back of her skull, crushing her face into the pillow until she ceased to breathe.

She shuddered.

Lace curtains scattered shadow creatures across the wood floor, twisting in a late summer breeze from the unlatched balcony door. Specters clawed at the pastel walls, up a bureau, and over a wardrobe of fashionable clothes for seventeen-seventy. Costumes. Façades. Pretensions.

She sat up in the bed she’d used all eighteen years of her life, the down mattress soft but no longer able to resurrect the comforts as it used to inspire. Like her nanny soothing away her fears. Or Father reading to her.

Father, who slumbered at the other end of the too-empty estate.

Father, whom she had never expected to see again.

Father who had begged her to abandon her true heritage.

In this very bed, she’d witnessed death after death through her night terrors. Alexia had hoped the dreams would cease for good now that she’d discovered the true extent of her gift, the ability to slow or freeze time. But wishing was futile. She’d nearly killed herself by overextending the night their enemies attacked, like using a muscle until it was destroyed, but she must be making progress in her recovery if the dreams had resumed.

And now she was going to die.

***

 My thoughts:

Grammar: Caught somewhere between annoyed and relieved, she settled on grateful—that she’d recovered enough to dream again, even if her nightmares always came true. Should be either this: Caught somewhere between annoyed and relieved - she settled on grateful - that she’d recovered enough to dream again, even if her nightmares always came true. Or this: Caught somewhere between annoyed and relieved (she settled on grateful) that she’d recovered enough to dream again, even if her nightmares always came true. I'd opt for the parentheses myself.

Lace curtains scattered shadow creatures across the wood floor, twisting in a late summer breeze...What is twisting in the late summer breeze, the shadow creatures, or the curtains?  

 ...a wardrobe of fashionable clothes for seventeen-seventy. Do we really need the date here? Since this is a sequel most readers will already be familiar with the time period the story takes place in plus I would assume the the cover makes reference to when this tale occurs. I think I noticed this because it seems unnecessary - imho.

Lastly, I wonder if the second to last paragraph might work better as a brief recap of the major events of the first book? This would serve two purposes. It would remind readers of the first book what happened, and it would offer any new readers a clue as to what has previously happened.

Otherwise, I liked this first page and I'm thinking I ought to snag book one before book two comes out! What do you think? Any thoughts on Crystal's first page? If you want to see what Dianne Salerni thought of this page, go here, and if you would like to offer up your first page for a free crit, we still have one slot left for Friday.